When Netflix first began releasing its original content, audiences raved about the new high-quality TV shows and movies that were now readily available. (Among the best, Orange Is the New Black, House of Cards, and Stranger Things.) Ah, the good old days. Since then, it seems like Netflix has been prioritizing quantity over quality. Here are some of the shows that should have been pigeonholed…or just destroyed.
Sierra Burgess Is a Loser
As someone who fell in love with the trailer — let me tell you, from a place of love, that this movie is a failure. The character of Sierra shows no personal growth, no remorse for her actions, and she’s even (dare I say) rewarded for her bad behavior. All the most compelling scenes featured her unlikely friend, Veronica, and we have Kristene Froseh’s awesome acting to thank for that. I’ll end on this: Barb should have stayed in the Upside Down.
Spirit: Riding Free
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron is a real classic. With a rich soundtrack, breathtaking hand painted backgrounds, historical significance, and one hot horse…it deserved to rest in peace. When will people realize that the only good spin off show was Timon and Pumbaa? Netflix is beating a dead horse.
I’m going to skip past what you’ve already heard about how this series sets us back 10 years and offends practically everyone. Instead, I’m going to say that this show had no idea what it was from beginning to end. Is this a high school drama? A commentary on pageant culture? A family comedy? A spotlight on the errors with societal norms? No clue, but at the ending of the last episode, it decided to try How To Get Away With Murder on for size, despite the lighthearted tone the rest of the show had. I’m unsatisfied.
Set It Up
This film is almost everything I wanted it to be — cute, romantic, cliché and upbeat. You see, it did a good job by casting Lucy Liu (an Asian American woman) and Taye Diggs (an African American man) as the two big shot bosses. A few decades ago, two white assistants being at their every beck and call would have been unheard of. But, the movie missed its mark because the two white assistants are the main characters. Nice try, Netflix, but you’re still marginalizing minorities. I don’t want this consolation prize.
Magic School Bus Rides Again
I already made this complaint with the Spirit reboot, but let sleeping dogs lie! Please! The Magic School Bus was everything a kids’ show should be: engaging, funny, and educational. Why is it so hard for Netflix to replicate that experience without literally replicating that experience. I would hardly call this a “Netflix Original.” Are there no original ideas anymore?
I don’t know about you guys, but I remember this show being advertised as Pinterest fails, not a really bad version of The Great British Bake Off (though, lezbihonest, an American version of anything British is going to be a disappointment). It was not what I expected at all. The host isn’t funny or charming, which is essential for this genre, and there isn’t even a Gordon Ramsey-type to yell at all these amateur bakers. Seriously, what was the point of the show? This nail missed its mark.
What? What was this show? Start with a kidnapping, a blonde lady misguiding local youths, trips to another dimension, and some sort of seance… throw in a school shooting, some bizarre choreography and a LOT of unanswered questions, and you’ve got the worst cliffhanger of the century. Audiences will never know if any of the bizarre bullshit that happened in the show actually happened because The OA isn’t getting a season two.
With everyone’s childhood crush, Austin Butler, as the lead male love interest, I expected to fall in love, but I was wrong. Spoiler: his character dies in the first six minutes. Why is Lucy Hale still playing high school girls at age 29? I don’t know, but watching everyone in her life yell at her the morning after she’d been sexually assaulted was triggering, to say the least. Also, one of her friends masturbates in the school bathroom, which wasn’t as fun to watch as you would think.
This unoriginal, uninspired, Family Guy wannabe opens with gun violence. And, believe it or not, the show just goes downhill from there. This animated adult comedy isn’t the first of its kind, but it brings nothing to the table. All I have to say is really? Really, Netflix? A vulgar 2D animated show with a talking animal, allwhite cast, and male main character, laced with illicit drug use and jokes about private parts? Can we try a little harder?
It’s bad. We already knew it would be. All anime-to-live-action remakes are bad. Fullmetal Alchemist takes place in Amestris, which is basically Germany, but none of the actors vaguely resemble Germans. The voiceover (dub) actors left much to be desired, and the overall sound editing was awful. Throughout the movie, there are obvious moments where SFX and folly are missing. Nothing — nothing could have prepared me for the live action chimera scene. It would have hit a bit harder if the animation was better than Scooby-Doo The Movie. Let’s just say there was nothing magical about the 3D animation.