A Look at the Stars with Muthuveera Maraimalai and Laurel Preston
Comets, as you make your many orbits around the stars, trips around the sun, rounds through the sky, here’s a friendly reminder that Mercury retrograde will be ruining all of our lives soon. As such, here’s some advice curated for your sign:
Mercury Retrograde: November 15 – December 6
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) I am so sorry sweetie, you are probably experiencing the worst end of the retrograde considering it’s also your season. HAPPY BIRTHDAY and PLEASE don’t give up on your endeavors during these trying times, you will see the rainbow at the end of the tunnel.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Let’s be real, this season is just gonna be like any other month because of how quickly you accustom yourself to change. Honestly, we’re jealous of you social butterflies, but we guess all we have to say is don’t try to push anything through this season, because there is a 99.99 percent chance that everything will fall apart.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) PLEASE STOP COMMITTING YOURSELF TO EVERYTHING. We get it, you want to build your résumé, but it’s not like anything is gonna go through during the retrograde anyway so take the time to put on a face mask, listen to new music, or be a local and go out to brunch with your friends.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) We honestly don’t understand why y’all Aquarians BEEF WITH EVERYONE, and we already know you’re only gonna use this time to as an excuse to pick apart the flaws of everyone and everything in your surroundings. Why don’t you try clear the air with anyone you might be holding grudges against, because let’s be real, you don’t even remember why you guys are beefing in the first place. Yes, this might not be the best time to communicate, but it’s also the time when everyone’s communication is bad as yours so they should be more understanding.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) BEFORE YOU SEND THAT RISKY TEXT: why don’t you take a minute to reflect during this tough time why you are the way you are? Why do all Pisces always insist on embarrasing themselves through texts and snaps? We don’t know, but just lay low on all e-communication during these trying times and maybe you won’t make yourself look like Boo Boo the Fool.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Reexamine your relationships, queens and kings! Don’t take this time to “make a move” or “shoot your shot,” just try not to force anything so that you can be out of harm’s way.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)First of all, you need to take a seat and stop living life 1000 mph. We get it, you have places to be, but you also need to stop taking three seconds when it comes to making important life decisions, especially during this inclement period, and you need sit back and take life at a slower pace.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) We feel bad for you fellow Gemini, considering Mercury is your ruling planet. As if you already don’t have a tough time being twofaced (we kid we kid), times are rough for you right now and if we were you during this r-e-t-r-o-g-r-a-d-e, we would look at these sudden changes you’re experiencing as an adventure.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Poor Cancer, as if y’all didn’t have enough things to cry about, the retrograde is forcing you to get back in your shell and to hide away forever. No, we are not talking down to you (and the fact that you’re probably reading this from your snuggie), we just think you should expand your horizons because there is more to life than just your bed and we just want to see our Cancer babies thrive.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) You are really pushing your unpopular opinions down the throats of people who didn’t ask so PLEASE STOP! We don’t want you losing all of your friends, just the toxic ones. Learn to communicate effectively and only when necessary to help you grow during this retrograde period.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Virgo, you are so accustomed to your boring life that Mercury retrograde literally feels like you’re walking barefoot through hot coals. Just embrace the fact that you’re organized chaos and learn to let go a bit so that you’re not entirely surprised by the mess that is Mercury retrograde.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Before you jump into that relationship with the person you’ve been talking to for three minutes, just take a minute to think; do you even remember the color of their eyes? Now is not the time to be making quick and snap decisions without calculating a minimum of three outcomes, so just hold back from making any rash decision.