Not sure what to be for Halloween this year? AMP has got you covered. Here are our top 9 scariest costumes for 2021.
1. Technologically incompetent professor
A classic horror story: the pandemic’s been going on for a year and a half. You log onto your first Microsoft Teams meeting of the day, already tired and bored. Then—your professor manages to spend 20 minutes trying to figure out how to share their screen, only to give up and say that the video is on eLearning, for anyone interested. This costume is simple and easy to put together. Just put on a button-up and a pair of ill-fitting khakis and look confused!
2. Overconfident freshman
This is another easy one. All you need is a free t-shirt from Weeks of Welcome, a skateboard you can’t use, and a boatload of unearned confidence. That, and to speak the seven words that instantly fill any upperclassman with fear, dread, and horror: “Actually, I’m a sophomore by credit hours.”
3. Couples costume! Antivaxxer + antimasker
Looking for a low-effort couple’s costume that’s guaranteed to frighten your friends? We’ve got just the thing. Go online and buy a couple of slogan tees that say things like “vaccine free” and “fear is the real virus.” Then one of you can walk around proudly brandishing your definitely-one-hundred-percent-real vaccine card and trying to stick magnets to people’s arms, while the other loudly yells things like, “I have a right to not wear a mask!” and “Did you hear that hospitals are inflating the death counts?”
4. Jeff Bezos
What could be scarier than the greediest man in the world? Here’s how to pull off the perfect Jeff costume: First, you’ll need a bald cap and tacky-looking space suit. Next, loan out a few dozen plastic pumpkin buckets to prospective trick-or-treaters. When they come back with their buckets full of candy, dump all of their buckets into your candy pile, but let them keep one or two pieces. Nothing good though, just Smarties or candy corn. When the kids protest, just remind them that without your buckets, they wouldn’t have gotten any candy! Yes, Smarties have a remarkably similar texture to chalk, but they should be grateful that you provided them with this fantastic economic opportunity!
Look. Here at AMP, we’re Temoc’s biggest fans! We love Temoc! But like any self-respecting Comets, we also have a healthy level of fear for our beloved mascot. There are two routes you can go with this one. One: Full realism. Get some blue body paint, orange hair dye, and a liberal amount of gel. Two: Commission a mascot costume, probably from someone who sells custom fursuits on the internet. Bonus points if you design your own personal comet-sona!
6. Omega Covid
You’ve heard of Delta, you’ve heard of Lambda, now get ready for the biggest and baddest variant of them all. How are you going to dress up as a virus? We don’t know, get creative! Think spike proteins for days and a lipid membrane that’ll knock the socks off of everyone at the COVID-safe Halloween gathering you’re attending. We’re sure that you can pull it off.
7. A .pptx
This one’s a little more abstract, but bear with us. Is there anything that fills you with more dread than opening eLearning and realizing the professor hasn’t uploaded PDFs, but twelve separate .pptx files that you will now have to download and open separately each time you want to view the chapter slides? By the end of the semester, your downloads folder will inevitably be crammed full of copies of the same set of slides that you kept forgetting you had already downloaded. chapter-4.pptx, chapter-4(1).pptx, chapter-4(2).pptx…
8. Student loans
If you’re like most Comets and you’re struggling to cover all the expenses required to attend Texas’s most expensive public university, there’s a good chance you’ll end up signing one of these deals with the devil. Student loans are nasty things, and they make for a constant nagging presence over your shoulder— a looming reminder that even if you fail, there’ll still be a price to pay. There’s a lot of room to experiment with this one. You can either dress up as a student loan itself with some fun signage, or maybe go as a banker and carry around a contract and pen! No matter what, you’ll be sure to give your friends an uncomfortable reminder of what’s to come.
We’ll be honest here. We’re not really sure how to turn this one into a costume, but it’s the scariest thing we could think of at the moment. After a year and a half of quarantine, online classes, and endless Microsoft Teams, Blackboard, and Zoom meetings, being alone is the last thing anything wants. We all just want to go out with our friends and celebrate our favorite spooky holiday! But even though we haven’t reached Omega Covid yet, things are still pretty dangerous— if not for you, than for someone else. We encourage all AMP readers to have a happy Halloween, but make sure that it’s a COVID-safe one. Try to keep your Halloween festivities contained to the people you already see on a regular basis, and if you’re going to go to a party, consider getting tested before and afterwards. Mask up, get vaccinated, and stay safe!