What IS up, my fellow Comet-brahs! Welcome to my all-new, radical prank showcase: TOTALLY TUBULAR COMET PRANKZ!! And my oh my, isn’t this just the absolute BEST season of the year for some EPIC pranks! That’s right, it’s APRIL FOOLS! A time where each and every one of us Comets can go absolutely wild with our silly shenanigans! So what’s with the wait? This holiday isn’t gonna last forever!
…Huh? What’s that? April Fools is already over? It ends after April 1st? Uhhhhh….
…The real issue is: WHO CARES!? It’s never too late to rock this sleepy school with some MASTERFUL MISCHIEF!! So get ready, because here are some of the BEST PRANKS you can pull on your fellow Comets!
PRANK #1: THE SUPER SPEEDY SKATEBOARD SLAM:
Alrighty, we’re gonna be starting out small and simple! The Super Speedy Skateboard Slam isn’t the flashiest of pranks, but it PERFECTLY encapsulates the tremendously thrilling terror a student should face when walking around their school! It’s easy! Just locate your victim and begin rapidly skating up to them from behind. You might not be able to see it on their face, but you’ve now locked them into a grueling mental battle! Do they turn to the left to get out of the way, or are YOU going to the left? What about the right? What should they do? While your victim is trapped in this conundrum of theirs, all you have to do is keep skating! You just gotta go faster, faster, FASTER!!! Keep moving forward until… BLAM!!! A totally gnarly WIPEOUT!
Pro-Tip: This prank can be done just about anywhere on campus, totally making it THE BOMB! That being said, avoid attempting the Super Speedy Skateboard Slam by the overhang of the Sciences Building. You’ll just blend in with all of the other overconfident skater boys.
PRANK #2: THE AMAZINGLY ALARMING AUTOMOBILE ASSAULT:
Want a more extreme variant? Then we’ll hit you right up with a certified CLASSIC! The Amazingly Alarming Automobile Assault is REAL simple. All you need is a car, so if you got one, great! If you don’t, steal one! Don’t worry about angry students or cops; it’s all for one FAR OUT prank! Once you got your car, head on over to the intersection between Rutford and Synergy, right in front of Northside. Now, on any given school day, you’re bound to see countless Comets strolling casually back and forth over this intersection, making their way to whatever class, restaurant, or apartment they’re heading to. Take a nice, long look at them from the driver’s seat. Don’t they appear so peaceful, so serene? So… fragile?
Anyways, you’re gonna want to swerve into them as soon as they’re given the signal to cross! Let the fierce roar of your obnoxiously loud car strike FEAR into the hearts of those poor, unsuspecting Comets as they stare at you like deers in headlights! Keep going until the very last second, then suddenly STOP! And there you have it! What’s not to love about making some random, innocent pedestrians fear for their lives? It’s SWERVIN’ TO THE MAX!
Pro-Tip: Want some extra style points? Honk angrily at the pedestrians afterwards, as if it’s their fault!
PRANK #3: THE PUBLICALLY POLARIZING PIANO PRANK:
Oh mama, now we’re getting into some real DANGEROUS territory! This prank is bound to be a controversial one, so attempt it at your own risk. Still here? BOOYAH!
This time around, your target is not a person, but rather an object: the Student Union piano. Who doesn’t love this piano and the melodious marvels it lets our fellow Comet-kind play? Most people would say that it’s a great addition to the Student Union, and a nice way to liven up the place. So imagine the look on their faces when you DESTROY it! All you need is some kind of destructive tool or mechanism. This could be a comically-large hammer, a stick of dynamite, your own smoking-hot, muscular guns, whatever! Once you’ve got your weapons of mass destruction ready, HAVE AT IT!
Pro-Tip: If it’s possible, a perfect way to maximize style points would be to COMBINE this prank with a previous one! Ram a car into the Student Union piano!
PRANK #4: THE RISE OF THE RAMBUNCTIOUS ROBOTIC REGIME
It’s time for an advanced-level prank, and we’ve decided to borrow some inspiration from some fellow Comet prank-meisters! Ever seen a student steal a Tobor? Because they do! I mean, why care about respecting important school equipment or the moral and ethical boundaries of our robotic brethren when you could have your OWN robo-buddy!? Well, we’re gonna go one step farther. Why steal one Tobor… when you can steal ALL of the Tobors? Why not swipe up every last one of them for your own nefariously mischievous schemes!?
Once you’ve amassed your collection, it’s time for the real fun! With the Tobor race under your command, you can mold them into your own personal robotic army! Imagine the look on all those unsuspecting Comets’ faces when your legion of robo-soldiers descends upon the school to bump into everyone and constantly risk getting run over! HARDCORE!
Pro-Tip: Befitting an advanced-level prank, there’s a LOT of risk involved in stealing Tobors. So be careful, and play it stealthy! Oh, and don’t forget there’s often free food in the little guys!
PRANK #5: THE TOTALLY TERRIFYING TIKTOK TERRORIST THREAT:
My Comet-dudes, I must warn you that this next prank goes even further beyond into the realm of danger. You think those last four pranks were EXTREME? This one has FIVE-WORD alliteration. Six if you count “THE.” So yeah, you better beware, bro.
Anyways, this is a dangerously simple prank to pull off, should you be brave enough to do so. All you gotta do is head over to somewhere on campus, literally anywhere, and open TikTok on your phone. That’s it. That is all of the work you need to put into this prank. The army of Chinese military helicopters, secret police vans, and spy balloons honing in for a hostile takeover of UT Dallas will do the rest.
Governor Abbott does NOT approve of this one.
Pro-Tip: Unfortunately this is a very politically sensitive prank, as it can only exist due to the skewed priorities of our state’s leaders. So you wanna keep the Totally Terrifying Tiktok Terrorist Threat around? Then my pro-tip is to keep electing conservative Republicans to be governor, Texas!
THE END (OR IS IT???)
Well, that’s all I’ve got for now, Comet-heads! With these five fearsomely foolish pranks at your disposal, you are ready to wreak some real HAVOC for April Fools! So get up, head on out of whatever WACK lecture or assignment you’re in the middle of, and make sure that not a single Comet can roam this campus without fear of getting PRANK’D!
…Oh, and don’t worry! When I said that’s all I’ve got for now, I really meant “FOR NOW.” After all, who said April Fools was the ONLY time we could do this? Nah, at UTD, these are year-round things! So take care until next time, and remember: it’s just a prank, bro!