Q: Name something that’s better than cheese.

A: Nothing. (Me. Or really anything that’s not my ex-wife.)

Q: How do I deal with the next 3 years of UTD?

A: Join the folks at AMP! They’ve been treating me pretty well and have gouda taste. And, most importantly, you get to meet me, so.

Q: I think choosing my major was a mistake, so I’m dreading getting a job in it. How do I cope?

A: Work isn’t everything. Cheese is. Eat cheese.

Q: I’m worried about where I’m going to live after university.

A: That isn’t a question, but I’m right there with you, buddy. Let’s find a nice cardboard box outside Northside together.

Q: How do I make friends after college?

A: You don’t. I have no friends, which is why I’m doing this. *sadly eats cheese* Wow, this is saltier than normal. ;-;

Q: What is the purpose of life?

A: Eating softened cheese in the sunshine as it melts in my mouth at just the perfect temperature. All while avoiding my ex-wife.