AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
Print Issues
Satire
Tobor: Op-Ed
Exploiting cheap and available student labor isn’t as bad as you think it is, and should actually be expanded to give cheap food service laborers at UTD the freedom to work as much as possible. Last month, Tobor was arrested for supposedly exploiting student labor to staff the fast food restaurants on campus, but this […]
Cover Stories
Print Issues
Satire
Election update: Enarc rises, Tobor falls
New mascot church group raises hopes for construction Enarc’s return came alongside the creation of a new religious group on campus dedicated to his teachings. The Holy Church of Enarc started meetings on campus soon after Enarc’s bid for the 2022 mascot election was announced. They meet in the Student Union at room 1.602 on […]
Cover Stories
Print Issues
Satire
Mascot Election
In November of this year, there will be an important election for all students on campus. An election that will affect future Comets for generations to come. An election that will impact the very fabric of UTD’s society. The Texan gubernatorial elections? Try again. This fall, Temoc will have competing mascots for the first time […]
Print Issues
Satire
A Typical Student Government Debate (How would you know otherwise?)
The following is a full transcription of the UTD Student Government debate which took place on March 28th, 2022, at 6PM in the SSA Auditorium. No edits have been made for clarity. Moderator: What up broskis, welcome to the student government debate! My name’s Tyler Bro-hardt, and I’m nominally moderating the debate today! We’re gonna […]
Print Issues
Esports Marketing Is Just Better
I was dying. Two hours of screaming, cheering, and enjoying professional Call of Duty at the first major tournament of the year meant that I was thirsty, looking for the first liquid to chug down my throat. And that was where I first learned that esports marketing was a step above the rest. The only […]
Print Issues
Satire
How To Run An E-Sports Team On The Cheap
With the rise of collegiate and amateur eSports throughout the country, more and more schools are attempting to break into the scene with their own programs and teams. The only problem is, everyone is dirt poor! (or pretending to be) So, how do you run an esports team on a shoestring budget? Here’s a 5 […]
Print Issues
Top 5 COVID-19 Treatments
I’m not a part of the sheeple that are “following CDC guidelines” and “getting vaccinated.” It’s clear that the COVID-19 vaccine kills more people than it saves, since all of the headlines on my Facebook feed tell me so. From my sources on Facebook and totallyrealcovidtreatments.com, there are a variety of treatments for COVID-19 that […]
Satire
Texas: A State of Incompetence
Have you ever looked at the Texan state government, and wondered, what in tarnation is that? Well luckily for you, I’ve put about 2 minutes of research into the topic by reading blogs on the internet, and can thus explain every single aspect to you, thanks to my legitimate research into the history and intricacies […]
Satire
Executive Order GA-34
Greg Abbott released executive order GA-34, lifting the mask mandate and letting businesses open up 100%. Now, the order is written in classic legalese, which may be hard to understand for some of our less legally-inclined readers. As such, I’ve created this handy-dandy summation to help Texans understand the decision making that goes on within […]
Satire
How to Spend Your Stimmy
The pandemic has hit a lot of the US population very hard, with many going jobless for months and having to come up with money for rent, food, and other bills. With this in mind, I’ve put together a guide on how to properly spend the upcoming $1400 stimulus checks to help alleviate your current […]
Satire
Faking a Global Pandemic
Have you ever wanted to fake a global pandemic? Curious about the cost? Well here is a step by step guide going through the most expensive parts about faking a global pandemic.
1