AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
Horoscopes
Print Issues
May 2023 Horoscopes
Aries: Exact cold, brutal revenge on your worst enemies this month. As a treat! Taurus: Sometimes it’s okay to ritualistically sacrifice a Virgo. Gemini: You’re going to spend too much time thinking about the many instances in which Bugs Bunny wears drag. Cancer: Stop waiting around for life to send something your way! I mean, […]
Features
Horoscopes
Print Issues
April 2023 Horoscopes
Aries: The stars have gifted you with newfound financial expertise! Invest everything in crypto. Taurus: Someone you now’s got it out for you, which is why your stint with the local mob boss is finally going to pay off. Gemini: Yuo’re gniog too fsat. I’m miakng you solw down. Tkae a deep baerth…There. Isn’t that […]
Features
Horoscopes
Print Issues
March 2023 Horoscopes
Aries: Report that professor. Through Title IX. For realsies. Taurus: You should listen to people. That idea everyone says sucks? It sucks. Gemini: Still haven’t tried antidepressants yet, huh? Cancer: Cut that person out of your life. Like, seriously all the time. You know who I’m talking about. Leo: Make money before you spend it. […]
Opinion
Print Issues
The Unifying Power of Hateable People
It’s 11:47 p.m. You have two quizzes, a discussion board, and a paper due at midnight. You should be finishing them like a normal, responsible human being. Instead, you and seven other people sit huddled around a game of Mario Party 8, like geniuses. All is fun and joyous, except for one critical detail: one […]
Print Issues
Satire
Ultimate Guide to Dumping Someone
Love is in the air! And just like any airborne affliction, you’ll get over it. Or die, I guess. Either way, this February is the perfect opportunity to learn how to say goodbye, and when it’s your heart on the line, you’re better off beating your valentine to the punch. Waste the next 10 minutes […]
Print Issues
Satire
Enarcmas
It’s December, Comets! Everyone knows what that means! The weather might get more frightful each day, but it takes more than that to beat down the holliest, jolliest time of year. Bust out your most festive decorations and attire and follow me in merry measure, because it’s finally…Enarcmastime! Yes, Enarcmas! As a wondrous celebration of […]
Cover Stories
Opinion
Print Issues
Unmasking the (Super)Power Fantasy
Spoilers Ahead!!! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…boring. In one superhero, Superman gets super strength, super hearing, flight, speed, x-ray vision, freeze breath, laser vision, invincibility, and – somehow – more. No fight is even a question for him; his whole gimmick is that he’s unbeatable, and in the few instances where he does […]
Print Issues
Satire
Becoming a Free Speech Martyr
Conservative Crisis? Get Canceled! “Oh gee golly willikers! The over-educated commie liberals keep attack-helicoptering all over my eugenics blog, where I speak freely about my opinions that are very very good. What in the world is happening to our red-blooded American first amendment rights?!” – You, probably. Fear not, my freedom-loving friend! While all the […]
1