AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
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Satire
The C.R.A.P. Manifesto
In the midst of 2020’s contentious and tumultuous political cycle, a new right-wing sect has recently gained public notoriety with their aggressive stance against all forms of genital concealment. Known as the Concerned Republicans Against Predators (CRAP), these activists have argued for banning all lower-body garments including pants, underwear, and jorts. Spurred on by a […]
Opinion
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Whooshing Red: Beyond the Ballot Box
Voting is a ritual. You walk into the polling place, take your seemingly-incomprehensible sheet of bubbles and numbers, slide it into the machine that makes sense of the chaos, and that’s the climax of two to four years of repressed political frustration. Voting is a ritual, and American society is intent on ritualizing it more. […]
Opinion
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Dungeons & Diversity: How Racism Permeates the Fantasy Genre
In a turn of events that I cannot imagine Gary Gygax ever saw coming, Dungeons & Dragons, or D&D, has managed to take the world by storm once more in a sort of nerdy renaissance. First introduced in 1974, D&D has recently grown in popularity through the help of web series like Critical Role and […]
Satire
Pledge of Allegiance
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United COVID of America, and to the racists for which they stand above everyone else, one corrupt and capitalist nation, somewhat under God?, very divided, with no liberty or justice for all white men. Wait—sorry, was that not the pledge we repeated in school every morning for […]
Opinion
For the Love of Code
Have you ever looked at a programming job’s requirement list, eager and ready to apply? As your eyes scroll through the bullet-pointed list, you think: ‘Yes, I have this skill,’ and ‘Oh for sure, I know how to do that,’ but then the dagger in the heart comes as you read the last few lines. […]
Satire
A Foolproof Revival of College Sports, Mid-Pandemic
The American people need their collegiate athletics back – and with this ingenious, one-step plan, they’ll get them. On July 30th, 2020, the Utah Jazz took to the homecourt floor of the New Orleans Pelicans, resuming an NBA season that had seen four and a half months without a single game. Only, it wasn’t anybody’s […]
Opinion
Gender Identity Before White Europeans Colonized the World
When people think of commentary about the binary idea of gender expression, people tend to look towards Twitter threads that discuss how strongly it is enforced in today’s society or how its existence has been eternal. While more and more discussion arises, be it in Twitter threads or in a more scholarly context, it is […]
Satire
Reject Modernity, Embrace Tradition
“Aw, look at him tremble! He’s gonna pop a blood vessel ‘cause I dissed his waifu!” Yeah, yeah, yuk it up, you spiteful clowns. 2D girls this, 3D girls that, Junko Enoshima this, yaoi hands that. All the while, it’s still uncool to have a big-tittied anime “gf” in the 2020s, unless you’re some kind […]
Opinion
Idealism
“Of old the world on dreaming fed; Grey Truth is now her painted toy.” —Yeats As a consequence of the pseudo-realist rhetoric that dominates contemporary politics, the adjective “idealistic” is now a derogatory term that’s used to shut down legitimate political discourse. Not only does this suggest intellectual decay and the mockery of creative criticism, […]
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Opinion
Honorlock
Honorlock, UT Dallas’ online exam proctor of choice, distinguishes itself as an extremely unwelcome change since classes have gone mostly online. The negative backlash against it has been huge, with students pointing out Honorlock’s overly invasive procedures and burdensome technical requirements. According to Honorlock’s privacy policy, Honorlock records and stores personal information that “may include […]
Opinion
Whooshing Red: Socialism Is…
The Cold War ended with the red flag lowering over the Kremlin in 1991; 30 years later, The Hill reports that 70% of millennials would vote for a socialist. Gallup reports that about half of them prefer socialism over capitalism outright. Three decades of neoliberal hegemony — and the… mixed results thereof — look to […]
Satire
Faking a Global Pandemic
Have you ever wanted to fake a global pandemic? Curious about the cost? Well here is a step by step guide going through the most expensive parts about faking a global pandemic.