It’s spooky time, everyone: the time of the year where midterms haunt your GPA and Temoc lurks around campus like the demon he is. UTD itself has already lined up plenty of tricks and treats for students, such as another homecoming season for our undefeated football team, the attempted removal of the track and cross country teams, a horrible parking situation, and even more construction on campus.
This month, however, there’s a scarier monster, and it’s not on campus. It’s about 200 miles away in Austin, rattling in a crypt constructed of massive pink granite: the Texas Legislature.
The session brought forth many horrors worthy of a slasher film. Legislators were hunting for non-existent furries in K-12 litter boxes. A cheating Southlake representative showcased true Texan “family values” by fantasizing about adding a special, creamy ingredient to his daughter’s batch of cookies for a bake sale. Attorney General Ken Paxton was caught in a cheating scandal with implications of biblical proportions.
The worst of the horror arrives in the form of legislation introduced in the session. HB 229 resurrected Jim Crow for gender. A curfew spell from the ‘80s known as SB 2972 restricts your freedom of speech after 10 p.m. In exceedingly grotesque forms, more bills against women and trans people appeared, pleaded against by citizens; yet, like all horror movies, screaming never stops the villain.
Students care, but they don’t really know how to fight these creatures effectively. It’s like showing up to hunt a vampire with garlic powder and no stake. That’s by design, as the legislature wants you lost, so that you’ll give up. That mandatory Texas Government class didn’t prepare you for this battle. So, what’s the best strategy to beat these ghouls?
I’m glad you asked! I have been in the crypt for a while and know several tricks. I’ll provide a brief tutorial on how the legislature works, how you can participate, and how to get started.
Welcome to the crash course you should’ve gotten before being thrown in this forsaken dungeon. Let’s begin.
Who are the Villains?
Consider the Texas Government to be a chimera of officials. In the center is Governor Abbott, who has his own agenda and ideas. He can veto and threaten a representative’s projects if they do not comply with his demands, and he knows how to get what he wants when he wants it. Always keep a wary eye.
On your right is the Senate, run by Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick — basically the keeper of the crypt. His word is law, with most senators obeying him in a zombie-like fashion. His bills move with unnatural speed.
On your left will be House Speaker Dustin Burrows, who looms over the endlessly bickering representatives. Infighting and chaotic deals slow things down here which, in a twist of fate, becomes its own blessing.
The House and Senate grounds have committees, dungeons where bills can get trapped forever. If you want to stop bills, target the House. You’ll have more flexibility in its slower-paced environment. Hindering monsters’ speed is the second-best thing to slaying them. Target bills in committees and then, if they pass, work on crafting language to weaken the bill.
How Do I Start Hunting?
You have two options as a beginner:
Option one is joining up with other monster hunters. Groups like Students Engaged in Advancing Texas or Texas Students for DEI already have maps of the crypt, toolkits, and allies. UTD Student Government even built a few resources of their own (and yes, SG does do more than argue over food allocations). Joining these groups saves major time. You would be able to weaken bills and acquire guild knowledge to confront legislators directly. However, like all things, there are always terms and conditions. Be cautious if you sign up.
Option two is to do it yourself: go rogue. Start with learning past battles. Analyze past movements that have fizzled out. Learn about existing hunters, their successes, and their failures. Reflection will be your first weapon. Afterwards, find a party of other people who share your passion; you’ll have trouble alone in the crypt.
Can I Actually Win?
With the proper preparation and strategy, yes. This isn’t a monster that can be slain in one battle, though. If you cannot put a monster back into the grave, you will just have to clip its claws off. Amendments can dull the edge of harmful bills, and delays can provide time for them to reconsider their actions. Do not expect a one-hit kill.
Knowing how to define victories helps morale. Every time you slow a bill, expose corruption, or grow your ranks, you weaken the monster a bit more. It’s not glamorous, but it helps people to not be crushed by the weight of the beast.
What Should I Do Next?
Start small. Learn the map and practice. Sometimes all you can do is open that creaky door, step into the dungeon, and try. By building knowledge and confidence gradually, you make yourself less afraid of the shadow this legislature casts.
This is not a radical revolution. This is survival. You won’t be toppling the crypt in one night. You will be keeping the torch lit so the next adventurer isn’t lost, narrowly avoiding traps, and stumbling through dark corridors. Surviving is its own victory — it buys time and weakens the beast for the next fight.
Final Notes:
With time, a better future can be carved out. Note that the beasts in this damned crypt are on vacation for two years. That’s enough time for them to be in another country whenever their legislation screws something up in this state again. In the meantime, similar beasts are roaming around locally that you can use these insights against.
Until then? Stay angry, be spooky, and no matter what, please do not eat any cookies offered by the representative from Southlake.
