AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
Satire
Two Virgins Preach About Sex (And Yes, You Should Listen)
The Ultimate Authority on SEX: Two Virgins
Politics
Satire
How to Forge an Iron Fist
How do I rule with an iron fist? This has been the question on every political leader’s mind since humans first took up the practice of agriculture and immediately began schemes to control others. You might think that emulating the decrees of past sovereigns would guarantee you permanent power, but the crucial commonality that unites […]
Satire
In Regards to Parking
Dear Comets, With the recent construction occurring around campus, especially near the Student Union and the Student Success Center, we have received various concerned messages over the past few months regarding the state of campus parking. In regards to this, The University of Texas at Dallas community is asked to make note of the following […]
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Satire
The Big Comet Conundrum
I enjoy living my life like a film noir, complete with a fedora, cigar — oh, and a magnifying glass. When my professors ask where I was during class time, I only have one answer: searching for clues. You might catch me peering through a suspicious keyhole or sitting on the wrong side of a […]
Print Issues
Satire
AMP Unraveled
As we all know, AMP is the student organization that makes the monthly magazines you are currently reading. However, what you may have also noticed is a regular pattern of content from these heathens. They constantly include art of our lovely school mascot, Temoc. Art of Temoc isn’t inherently wrong, but AMP isn’t just making […]
Satire
Navigating a Situationship
SITUATIONSHIPS: all the cool kids are doing it
Entertainment
Satire
Anime: The 13th Apostle?!
The Church Doesn’t Want You to Know THIS About Anime!
Satire
Once You Go Greek, You Don’t Go Back
‘Sup fellow Bromets, the name’s Chaz Hollister, president of Delta Sigma Chi-Square Alpha, the raddest party frat on campus. Now, it’s already October, but I’m still hearing freshies at the Plinth complain that UTD’s social life is dead. And this saddens me dudes, my dad didn’t buy three new buildings and get rid of Green […]
Print Issues
Satire
The Ultimate Handbook to Strike Negotiation
Welcome, welcome! If you’re seeing this, then you’re a production or distribution company dealing with the consequences of the current writer and actor strikes, and either your internal affairs or one of your friendly competitors wants you to do your part in ending the SAG-AFTRA/WGA strikes! No judgment, these things happen. As always, your first […]
Print
Satire
Descent Into Madness: A Beginner’s Guide to FNAF
After years of being passed between studios like a casserole that everyone is too scared to eat but too polite to officially turn away, the “Five Nights at Freddy’s” movie will finally be releasing next month, and it actually looks promising. This is a momentous occasion for fans of the franchise who have been watching […]
Cover Stories
Print Issues
Satire
Concerned Women Against Ibuprofen
As both a wife and a woman, I have considerable insight to offer on any given topic. My areas of expertise include feminism, politics, the environment, a comprehensive history of the American industrial rock band known as Nine Inch Nails, and so forth. A particularly important subject has been brought to my attention as of […]
Satire
Web Exclusives
Vaccines Gave Me Autism and the Pandemic Made Me Trans
I’ll be the first to say it; the childhood-vaccination-to-autism pipeline is old news. Clearly a scientific phenomenon this well-documented has no further need for discussion or deliberation. Take it from me, a fully immunized and fully autistic person. No matter what your peers, professors, and/or medical professionals tell you, there is no such thing as […]