Throughout the history of the world, there have been many different subspecies of human. Some stay, and some don’t. As times continue to change, we’ve uncovered new subspecies of Homo sapiens, such as the now-extinct Homo sapiens discoteca, which sadly but predictably died out alongside disco in the ‘70s. One thing that never changes is the fact that a majority of male specimens want to have sex with someone, be they male, female, or neither. This has caused the emergence of a subspecies that has never been classified by taxonomists until fairly recently.
Meet the Homo sapiens perficientur, known colloquially by their common name, “performative males.” These men have mingled in the shadows for centuries, doing everything in their power to attract people by being “good.” However, with the advent of “meme culture,” they have been forced into the limelight. In this documentary, we’ll have the chance to observe one of these males and to see what tactics he employs in his day-to-day life.
THE MORNING ROUTINE
Customary for all new-age performative males is the morning routine. Our performative male, who we’ll call Kevin, begins by rising from his nest and heading to the bathroom, first to brush his teeth, then to engage in his four-hour, 79-step skincare routine. Performative males of the past may not have engaged in such acts, as these are activities done in private, and therefore unnecessary. But as performative males have evolved into the modern age, the skincare routine has become a necessary talking point to endear women to them by displaying sufficient dermatological literacy. Once Kevin has finished this brutal early-morning process, he begins what is perhaps the most important part of his day: choosing his outfit.
Performative males throughout history have debated on whether or not to focus on their outfits as a part of their quests for female validation. Many would choose to do so, developing into what we now consider the modern performative male, while those who didn’t would go on to become what we know as the “nice guy,” a topic for another day.
After a painstaking hour of grueling sartorial decision making, Kevin decides on a safe, trendy outfit typical for Homo sapiens perficientur: an oversized white T-shirt with baggy jeans, wire rimmed glasses, and a quarter zip to top it off.
IN THE WILD
Once the performative male has clad himself in the most trendy yet inoffensive clothing he possibly can muster, he embarks on his journey to the UTD campus in a trendy vehicle, in this case a Tesla model Y that he insists will keep the environment clean. The relationship between performative males and their cars throughout history has been tumultuous, due in large part to the males’ relationship with another subspecies of human: the Homo sapiens vehiculum, also known as the “car guy.” Often, performative males will attempt to masquerade as a car guy in order to impress women. However, this usually backfires on the performative male, or results in a metamorphosis that ends with him becoming either a true car guy or a femboy.
Once the male has made it to the Plinth for maximum visibility, he sets up his den outside the Starbucks. Kevin is very… open about what he likes. He puts in his wired earbuds, takes out his Macbook, and places it on the table alongside his matcha. He then opens it wide and pulls up a Pinterest tab, mindlessly scrolling in hopes that a random woman will approach and ask him what he’s looking at. This is what Kevin, and most other performative males, do for about 8 hours a day. Sometimes he will go to class, but if there are no women he deems attractive in his classes, he will simply skip. If there are attractive women present, the performative male will begin what can only be described as a mating ritual.
When a performative male sets his sights upon a potential mate, he performs a three-step process to attempt to incur favor with her. The first step of this process is research. He must find out if they know anyone in common, and if they do, can he enlist that person’s help? If they don’t have any mutual friends, he’ll simply skip to the next step — creating an excuse for them to spend time together, most commonly a study date. Once this happens, step three occurs: a random post-study date activity. The male will rinse and repeat the cycle three to four times until they see results. The performative male may either simply have sex with the girl (rare), gain a girlfriend (very rare), or get rejected and begin searching for more prey to set his sights upon.
WHEN THE MASK COMES OFF
After Kevin has spent yet another day waiting for women to approach him, he finally goes home. Once he arrives, he engages in his final ritual of the day: the removal of his performative mask. First the clothes come off, replaced with baggy nylon shorts and a random graphic tee. Then, he immediately sits down in his gaming chair, ready to play League of Legends for seven hours straight while screaming various slurs.
The most important thing to note about the performative male, something this documentary has hopefully made clear, is that their downfall comes not from the clothes they choose to wear, their appearance as a whole, or even their activities in day-to-day life. Rather, it comes from a lack of sincerity and honesty, not only with those around them, but with themselves. Although in Kevin’s case, I doubt his true slur-screaming self would be appreciated by most people. Maybe the performance really is better than reality after all.
