AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
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Satire
So You Don’t Want To Live On The Street
Welcome back to “So You Don’t Want To Live On The Street: UT Dallas,” the only game show where you pay us! I’m your host, Utena T. Daniels. Tonight, the stakes are high and the rent is even higher. Will our contestants secure a place on the UTD campus, or will they hang their heads […]
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Satire
Cocaine Bear is a Cinematic Masterpiece
Have you ever watched the movie Citizen Kane, after being bugged and nagged by every film buff west of New York to watch “the best movie ever”, and as you’re sitting alone in your tiny apartment with nothing but a half-eaten cup of instant ramen, you wondered, “Huh. What was Rosebud, anyway?” Citizen Kane is […]
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Satire
Totally Tubular PRANKZ For AMPril Fools!!!
What IS up, my fellow Comet-brahs! Welcome to my all-new, radical prank showcase: TOTALLY TUBULAR COMET PRANKZ!! And my oh my, isn’t this just the absolute BEST season of the year for some EPIC pranks! That’s right, it’s APRIL FOOLS! A time where each and every one of us Comets can go absolutely wild with […]
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Satire
End Tobor Abuse Now
Whether it be through rain, sleet, snow, or hail, Tobors are always there for us during times of hunger and starvation. They are dedicated to a thankless job that gives them no pay — and yet no one seems to acknowledge the mistreatment of these brave Tobors from the students, staff, and the layout of […]
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Satire
How to Play D&D Correctly
Welcome, fresh-faced intrepid adventurer! You’re about to embark on a journey every college student dreams of and attempts with shoddily written Reddit posts at the beginning of every semester: playing Dungeons and Dragons! If you’ve made it to this step, you’ve already accomplished more than 99.9% of others, whose D&D fantasies remain in late-night Discord […]
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Features
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Ratford
Satire
Romance with Ratford
Students ask the esteemed love expert, Ratford the Rat, for advice regarding their wooing woes. Q: Would you rather date Temoc, Enarc, or Tobor? A: Bold of you to assume that any of our beloved mascots/idols aren’t hitched already. Q: What makes you feel the most loved? A: Q: How do we rizz? A: Either […]
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Satire
Campus Critter Showdown
Curio Queri: Hello, and welcome to our first annual campus critter showdown! Throughout the month of February, we’ll be conducting a battle of the beasts to determine who will be crowned UTD’s ultimate little guy. I’m your correspondent on the scene, Curio Queri, and I’m here to ask all of YOU who’s favored to come […]
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Satire
Ultimate Guide to Dumping Someone
Love is in the air! And just like any airborne affliction, you’ll get over it. Or die, I guess. Either way, this February is the perfect opportunity to learn how to say goodbye, and when it’s your heart on the line, you’re better off beating your valentine to the punch. Waste the next 10 minutes […]
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Satire
Enarcmas
It’s December, Comets! Everyone knows what that means! The weather might get more frightful each day, but it takes more than that to beat down the holliest, jolliest time of year. Bust out your most festive decorations and attire and follow me in merry measure, because it’s finally…Enarcmastime! Yes, Enarcmas! As a wondrous celebration of […]
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Satire
How to Navigate Stan Twitter
You might have heard through the internet somewhere that Twitter was shutting down after being left in the hands of “tech-genius” and (unfortunately) new Twitter CEO Elon Musk for less than a month. Luckily though, that wasn’t the case! Twitter is still up and running, which means you have all the time in the world […]
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Satire
The Comics
Great American Bake-Off
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Satire
Diagnosing Your Love Life!
Breaking news from the research world: YA romance novels give realistic love advice to teenagers with low standards. We conducted a lengthy study involving hours pouring through AO3 and Wattpad’s critically acclaimed novels, such as “My Sexy Mysterious Billionaire Boyfriend is Secretly a Werewolf.” This research demonstrates how common tropes in YA romance reveal accurate […]