Normally I’d say something like “April fools, Comets!” but I’m afraid we’re living in one of the most foolish moments in American history, which unfortunately sours this silly holiday just a bit.
As I’m sure I don’t need to remind any of you, the United States and Israel’s war on Iran is currently the least popular war in our country’s history, and for good reason. Not only could the billions of dollars spent on this utterly pointless conflict fund things like healthcare, education, and more, but we’re seeing exacerbated levels of both Islamophobia AND antisemitism across the board. This has ramifications at UTD as well, with the (now former) student organization Students for Justice in Palestine recently being suspended, preventing them from organizing on-campus events until 2027. Gas and grocery prices are still rising, establishment grifters are still trying to convince us that everything is fine, and our taxes are still being used to commit war crimes against people who just want to live their lives free from the intervention of a colonial settler state.
In the wise yet paraphrased words of my favorite Tom Jorgenson tweet: “This has been a cromulent fuckcrustable of a month. AMPy needy drinky.”
On a still-bleak-yet-slightly-funnier note, the annual Conservative Political Action Conference was hosted in Grapevine this year and oh my god… Oh My God. This was one for the books. As per usual, we got some truly unhinged advice from our favorite conservative talking heads, although this year’s conference had an especially potent air of desperation and malaise surrounding it. The guest list was lacking, and the registration numbers were abysmal. No members of the Trump family or his cabinet were in attendance, as I’m sure they were all far too busy giving a reacharound to Benjamin Netanyahu, but for some reason Matt Gaetz and Steve Bannon showed up, so… that’s cool, I guess? We even got conservative influencer Isabel Brown, who was quoted during her panel saying, ”If you’re not encouraging your children to get married and have kids, more kids than they can afford, before they think they’re ready, it is high time to start.” Of course this is coming from an upper-middle class woman with one singular child; why wouldn’t it?
In more local news, did you know that UTD has a new president? Well, I suppose President Moghe isn’t exactly new, considering he’s been here for close to eight months now, but try telling that to the university! A party celebrating UTD’s new president was held on March 31st, and while the timing didn’t allow us to give it proper coverage, I have it on good authority that there were customized M&M’s at the event stamped with the face of the big man himself. We at AMP have decidedly dubbed these candies “Moghe&M’s” and will provide a reward for anyone who is kind enough to give us their leftovers. You don’t understand… we need them for posterity, as they’re now important artifacts in UTD’s lore. We like to think of ourselves as historians, after all.
Let us go forth then, Comets, now that spring has finally sprung. Remind yourself that although we cannot change our circumstances, we can still point and laugh at the people who truly deserve it.
