AMP
The Official Student Opinion and Satire Magazine of UTD
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Ratford
Ratford Recycles
Hello, Concerned Comets! This month, I’m on a mission to make the world a better place. Many of you, like me, are concerned about the Earth and want to relieve the burden that is 2.12 billion tons of waste simply rotting in our landfills, so I’m taking your suggestions on being green and staying cool. […]
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Ratford
Ratford Reviews
This month, Comets sent me their favorite movies to review! I watched each and every one, except for the movies that seemed boring. I have a very refined palette, after all. Priscilla Stop calling Elvis a rat. We don’t claim him. Wonka My niece said Timothée Chalamet “Timothée Chala-slayed”. Personally, I just know there’s a […]
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Ratford
Rizzing Up Ratford
I got a bunch of letters in the mail this month. Like, paper. In an envelope. Who even does that anymore? But boy, I can’t wait to find out what they’re about! Ratford, this isn’t a question, but I’ve wanted to tell you something for a long time now, and I hope you’ll take the […]
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Ratford
Resolutions with Ratford
Comets shared their New Year’s Resolutions with me, seeking my knowledgeable opinion!
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Ratford
Ratford Replies
Ratford helps out a reader with a gnarly rat problem
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Ratford
Ratford Rises From the Grave
Q: Is it okay to think the Grim Reaper is hot? A: Who wouldn’t? Sure, he’s the walking definition of a red flag. However, he does check all my boxes. Tall, pale, bony, and over thirty. My dream guy TBH. Q: Is it true there’s a secret witches’ coven in the sewers under UTD? A: […]
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Ratford
Ratford: Back to School Edition
Q: I’m new to UTD, is there anything to look forward to? A: UTD has a lot of things to offer! Food, video games, a gym, I practically live here! No, that isn’t a joke, I literally live here! Q: Skateboard or bicycle? A: Skateboard! My little feet can’t reach the pedals on a bicycle… […]
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Ratford
Life After GRATuation with Ratford
Q: Name something that’s better than cheese. A: Nothing. (Me. Or really anything that’s not my ex-wife.) Q: How do I deal with the next 3 years of UTD? A: Join the folks at AMP! They’ve been treating me pretty well and have gouda taste. And, most importantly, you get to meet me, so. Q: […]
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Ratford
Ratford Recommends
Should I drop out? It depends on what you’re referring to. Dropping out of college? I probably wouldn’t recommend it. Dropping out of my personal Stuart Little 2-esque biplane? For the love of God, why else did you book this skydiving trip with me? I have other appointments to get to, you know. Do you […]
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Ratford
Relaxation with Ratford
Hello! Ratford here to offer more advice! Nico, uhh, collected me to help you all. I’m definitely here willingly! How do you find a lyapunov function without dying? I dunno. I’m just a rat. You can probably find it in the lost and found or something. What do I do if my own thoughts won’t […]
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Satire
Romance with Ratford
Students ask the esteemed love expert, Ratford the Rat, for advice regarding their wooing woes. Q: Would you rather date Temoc, Enarc, or Tobor? A: Bold of you to assume that any of our beloved mascots/idols aren’t hitched already. Q: What makes you feel the most loved? A: Q: How do we rizz? A: Either […]