Welcome back comets! We at AMP have dearly missed throwing out our unassailable opinions and hearing laughter all over campus from our witty satirical pieces. Quick update on some of the absolute most important news: Rihanna is a billionaire, Jeff Bezos went to space for like 10 seconds, and the Olympics happened. The Olympics have sparked some enthusiastic patriotism even from Americans who more or less hate America. There is something about gathering the most competent athletes in our country to compete against other countries that makes liberals and progressives want to tie an American flag around their necks and sing the star-spangled banner. Besides the newfound patriotism some people are feeling, there is also a lot of discussion about the mental health of athletes. Simone Biles is one of the most successful gymnasts the world has ever seen. She’s done gymnastic moves that none of her competitors could do themselves, however, this year she pulled out of the US women’s team in the Olympics after only competing in a few Olympic events. She said she made this decision to take care of her mental health, and even though a lot of people have come out to support her, there have been some critics of her decision that believe she’s being dramatic. It’s very obvious the people criticizing her believe she’s some kind of machine whose only purpose is to compete in gymnastic events and represent America. Because if they actually viewed her as a human being, they would not be questioning why she decided to not compete. It’s sad really, how people who have never and will never be in her position are telling her to put her mental health aside and destroy herself so they can watch her jump on balance beams. If Simone Biles ever becomes an avid reader of AMP we just want her to know: we support you! And to anyone else struggling with their mental health: WE SUPPORT YOU!
As for Mr. Bezos; Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, what can we say? We definitely can’t say we’re shocked or surprised by any means. Only a billionaire with a trillion-dollar company would prioritize going to space for approximately 15 minutes over tackling the number of issues we have in this world. To be fair Jeff does donate to charity, he’s one of the largest donors we have in America, and this year he gave 10 billion dollars to fight climate change through his Bezos Earth Fund. Now when people hear that they think it’s such a large amount of money–which it is. But remember that 10 billion is only about 5% of what he’s currently making right now. Consider the amount of money you have right now, would you give 5% of it to fight an existential threat brought on by the unchecked greed of people like Jeff and could potentially destroy our planet? I would argue most of us would give a lot more than 5% of our wealth to help end disastrous problems if we had the means. Maybe that’s why Jeff Bezos reached the status he’s at right now (that and the sizable fund his parents gave him to start his company). It takes incredible selfishness to be rich beyond belief. Thankfully most of us will never be billionaires. Hopefully, Rihanna reaching her billionaire status will have her thinking about all the ways she can give back to the people who got her there. Not necessarily her managers, but instead to the people who listened to her music and supported her. The best thing she can do is fight homelessness and hunger and protect those that can’t protect themselves. We really don’t need her to “give back to her fans” through new music (that would be a nice addition though) or new merch that’s just really going to put more money back in her pockets. It would be nice to see her do something to completely change the course of the world and solve the world’s issues. And imagine if Rihanna fixed the whole world? What a beautiful sight that would be to see.