Hey guys, Ratford here. So uh, cheese, right? Ha ha. I have an innumerable amount of exes, right guys? Ha ha… ha. Oh, forget it. It’s true: I’m in a bit of a slump right now. I took 3,427 midterms (I am enrolled in every class at this university) and found out that I somehow failed every single one of them. I tried so hard and got so far, spending every night scurrying to the library to study, but in the end it didn’t even matter. Now I can hardly get out of my bed, much less my dorm. I’m not used to being this sad, and I wanna do this “misery” thing justice, so I’ve asked people what they do in the throes of mid-semester depression in hopes of doing at least one thing right. Let’s get into it… 

Floor time and sweet treats

This is actually pretty typical rat activity. Traditionally in rat culture, we crawl around everywhere and eat our food right off the floor. But in recent times, people consider this to be “bad” and “unhygienic.” And to those people, I tell them this: Be better.

Sleeping. Sleeping all day.

Gonna keep a dream diary to record my experience hibernating for 24 hours.

Hour 1: Dreaming of all the cheese you can imagine.

Hour 2: The cheese is getting less vivid. I see the truth and achieve lucidity.

Hour 5: Having a ball zipping around my dreamscape.

Hour 12: I notice a strange seam in the sky. I investigate.

Hour 17: There’s something wrong. The seam led to a plane cloaked in crimson. This place feels real.

Hour 20: It’s calling me.

Hour 23: It wants me. It wants us all. There’s no escape there’s no escape the —

AAAHH!!! Welp, never doing that ever again.

Getting high and playing free games on Itch.io

I had to pull out my green cheese for this one, but yeah, this was fun. I love playing my indie horror games (shoutout to “Peeb Adventures!”), my yuri VNs (heyyyyyyyy LONER_DOG://Snuff Puppy Carnage Society), and my eccheese slop (I would give you a rec, but this game is banned from 113 countries). If only someone could make a game about me — which is why I’m making “Ratford Super Adventures” when I get out of bed.

Reading fanfics on AO3

How DARE you!!! As an anti, I HATE any platform that supports IMMORAL and DISGUSTING content, which I’ve arbitrarily decided is any fic that lacks the “rat” tag. I spit on you from ratfics.com, the only valid fanfic site. Now leave me alone so that I can finish this toxic enemies-to-unhealthy-obsession yuri cheeseplay/cannibalism ratfic in peace.

Cooking dinners for my lovers

Hey, this one isn’t even ba — Ratalina… God, I miss you Ratalina. You were my 237319th wife, but you felt like my one and only. So many missed calls… I should really get back to you. Time to clean up — see y’all later! You guys’ll get over your slumps too, I believe in you!