UTD hopes you are well. UTD values you. UTD values dialogue. UTD values community. UTD values your voice.
Please do not reply to this message.
By continuing to read, you agree to binding arbitration at the Student Union, administered by Temoc in a tight suit.
Comet. Bestie. Bro. Person who enrolled in a “university” and ended up in an accidental long-term situationship with a tech plant that occasionally cosplays as a campus.
Stop romanticizing it. We’re getting screwed, and not in a good way.
It’s February, which means everyone is trying to pretend there’s romance in the air rather than frigid humidity, a faint smell of body spray, and attachment issues that really should be investigated. Your friend is developing a crush based on two Discord messages and a glance in class and is now spiraling in ECSS of all places.
Anyhow, given the “love” we get for being inconvenient by asking for the bare minimum, it’s time to call UTD what it is: a situationship. So, allow me to walk you through the five love languages of UTD so you can understand the relationship you’re in. You can call it an intervention, because some of y’all who think that LinkedIn stalking is romantic need some recalibration.
The safe word is “due process.”
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: CORPO DIRTY TALK
“We hear you.” “We are committed to community.” “We support free expression.” “You belong here.”
It’s soothing, inoffensive, and vague as fuck. It’s like a Yankee Candle: nice until you realize it’s not generating the warmth you need. UTD does not say, “We will change what we do,” but rather, “We appreciate your feedback.”
That’s an automated customer service voicemail in an inoffensive cardigan, repeating the same script while you wait for true love that never arrives. And I am sure you’ve heard from friends — it’s love-bombing. But what do they know? UTD loves you.
By continuing, you consent to having your feelings converted into a pie chart labeled “Consumer Sentiment.”
ACTS OF SERVICE: STUDENT UNION DATE NIGHT?
When UTD wants to prove it’s a good partner, it plans a date: a town hall, a panel, a “community conversation.”
There will be snacks, and someone will say “we need grace” (stop being loud, please) or “moving forward” (nothing happened and nothing ever will). Let me hold your hand here: it’s couples therapy. UTD is the partner who keeps blasting you with therapy speak about “needing to talk more” to avoid the fact that they cheated on you and shut down communication avenues. What, you thought you were the only one?
By continuing, you agree to Couples Therapy with Compliance.
GIFTS: SNACKS, SWAG, AND QR CODES
UTD loves giving gifts because gifts are cheaper than respect.
Here’s a tote bag. Here’s a sticker. Here’s a wellness handout you will not read. Here’s a QR code to a survey so you can rate your emotional devastation on a scale from 1–5. When annoyed, you get told, “We are trying to gather students’ perspectives,” just so you feel guilty for being mad at them. Scan to consent, babe.
Sometimes the “gift” is access, a seat at the table. It’s all performative. You may technically have a voice, but you can’t use it to say “this feels like control” out loud, because that’s “unproductive.”
Sometimes the gift is consequences, claiming it’s “for your own good,” with the threat of more always implied. It’s like a partner who doesn’t want to fight, but keeps reminding you they know where your keys are.
Remember the Spirit Rocks? One of the only visible places where this campus had a pulse? It would be a real shame if they disappeared once politically inconvenient…
If your partner solves conflicts by throwing away your stuff, that’s controlling behavior.
By continuing, you acknowledge that free expression may be revoked if it becomes “noisy,” “political,” or “aesthetically inconvenient.”
QUALITY TIME: GASLIGHT, GATEKEEP, MEETING INVITE
Quality time with UTD is not dinner and a movie. It’s training. Meetings. “Intelligent channels.”
Feelings are valid, but your methods are concerning. Silence is “mature.” Spending time inside systems designed to slow you down until you’re too exhausted to resist? Sounds great to UTD. They keep you right on the cusp of believing change is possible, then edge away and schedule another conversation.
By continuing, you agree not to raise your voice above “slightly concerned.”
PHYSICAL TOUCH (FIFTY SHADES OF “FOR YOUR SAFETY”)
Okay, this is where I stop being snarky.
Some partners communicate with hugs; UTD communicates with a heavy, forceful, suffocating presence. Affirmation one day, “safety” the next. This university uses magic words like this to justify whatever they want to do, and getting arrested for disagreeing peacefully is not how I want to spend my time.
Let me say it bluntly for those stuck in this wannabe toxic Wattpad fanfic: if your partner is affectionate when you comply and gets physical when you don’t, you are not in a relationship. You are in an abusive dynamic.
Love-bombing, ghosting, controlling, punishing, then acting wounded when you react is not miscommunication. It’s not a “both sides” type of situation. This is a velvet glove reminding you that it covers steel hands.
By continuing, you waive your right to be surprised when “community” turns into “compliance.”
AFTERCARE (“DIALOGUE” ISN’T CONSENT)
Breathe.
If the only time your campus wants to communicate is when you’re grateful, quiet, and non-disruptive, that isn’t discourse. That’s obedience training. And you can’t “fix” it.
Now, I won’t kinkshame, but you need a safe baseline for your activities.
Relationships need clear boundaries that don’t shapeshift depending on who’s speaking. That means transparency about who gets punished, who gets protected, and why. That means rules that apply evenly. Protest needs to be respected as speech, not as a malfunction. Oh, and refusing to “debate” someone’s humanity is not censorship, but basic fucking dignity. These are the hallmarks of a healthy relationship. You may find them at UTD, but you certainly won’t find them with UTD.
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