‘Twas two weeks before Christmas in the land of Richardson; the air was bitter, and frost nipped at its denizens’ toes. The students of UTD rushed between their classes — though the Christmas spirit was high amongst them all, it was unfortunately clear their lives would soon blow. With finals approaching, the time was nigh to do unfathomable things to their sleep schedules and cry.
Our story focuses on one of these students, a young man by the name of Ebbie Scrooge. The poor soul was more socially avoidant than the average computer science student, so much so that anyone who dared speak to him was met with a death stare that made every flower within a mile wilt.
Ebbie was in a particularly poor mood come Christmas time. For some unknown reason, he had always hated this O-So-Jolly time of year; not even he knew why, but it drove Ebbie mad all the same. As he departed the first of his many finals, Ebbie looked around and saw all the students mingling in the Student Union. Despite their impending finals and deadlines, they still seemed so happy, so joyful, and damn jolly. It infuriated him to no end.
Ebbie marched along with a dark grimace on his face until one well-meaning freshman dared to approach and ask if he would like some hot chocolate.
“It’s only two dollars to support,” the youngin begged. But Scrooge immediately grabbed the poor boy by his coat lapels and cried, “TWO DOLLARS? DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT SUPPORTING YOUR LITTLE CHARITY? YOU THINK JUST ‘CAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS, NOW I’LL GIVE A FUCK? I’LL DO NO SUCH THING! YOU CAN TAKE YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!” Ebbie said calmly.
All the students around looked at him with disgust and anger in their eyes as he departed… Ebbie, however, was unfazed. They always had reviled him, and this was no different. Eventually, he reached home, where he promptly fell asleep from his long day of studying, taking exams, and casually screaming at his peers.
What Ebbie did not expect was to wake up in the middle of the night to the ghastly visage of a white man. At first, he thought this was his new sleep paralysis demon — which was certainly not out of the question — until the specter spoke:
“Hello Scrooge, ‘tis I, Lloyd V. Berkner, the first ever president of UTD, and I have come here to make you repent,” he said.
Ebbie, still confused about what this strange, white man was doing in his apartment, asked, “What exactly am I repenting for?”
The ghost sighed and snapped his fingers, taking him back to E-Biddy’s first day at UTD. Scrooge looked around the classroom where his ECS 1100 course had taken place. It looked younger — three years younger, to be exact.
“This is where it began, huh, Scrooge? You gave your first ever presentation in front of all these students. Were you so different from them back then? Are you so different now?” Berkner asked Ebbie, and he did remember it. He had a nervous breakdown in front of the class. He could hardly bear to show his face after that… but it didn’t matter anymore.
Annoyed, Ebbie turned to the ghost and asked to return. Berkner snapped his fingers again, and Ebbie found himself not in his apartment, but rather in the modern day Student Union. Ebbie looked to his side, and where previously Berkner had loomed, now stood Prabhas V. Moghe, the present day UTD president.
“Hello, Ebbie. I wanted to show you something, my child,” Moghe stated as he gestured outside to the Plinth. Surrounding Ebbie, students celebrated, lights glimmering above the air brimming with laughter. The struggling undergrads relished this moment of peace, without responsibilities, simply enjoying the company of their friends and classmates.
“Sure, this is sweet and all, but I don’t care!” Ebbie decried. “Can you PLEASE let me go back to sleep now?”
Moghe shrugged and snapped his fingers, sending Ebbie to his final destination. As Ebbie looked around again, eyes rife with fury, he peered around this seemingly desolate image of campus. Barely any greenery existed in this brutalist dystopia — not even a single magnolia tree. Before Ebbie stood the most putrid sight yet….
“My name is Vyshnav Vijish,” said a lone, sullen figure. “Though I am your classmate now, in roughly 40 years, I shall be this school’s final president, at least before it gets absorbed in the Disney Dyson Sphere and becomes another NFT in the Zuckerverse.”
Glancing at the sad shell of a school, Ebbie looked at the president, cold and unblinking. It was hard to tell what he was thinking — or that he was thinking at all, for that matter.
“You see, there’s only one reason you’re here, and it’s so I can beg you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHANGE THE PAST!” the future president said, bursting into tears. “I can’t take being the president of this dogshit school anymore! Not when I KNOW it can be better, if you just tried to make things different, if you just went back and changed your ways PLEASE!” he begged as he began to sink to the floor, clutching at Ebbie in any which way, a desperation in his tearful, pleading eyes. That was when he heard the words that would finally break him:
“I don’t care,” Ebbie said simply.
The president and the rest of the dark future disappeared. Ebbie was returned to his bed and promptly fell back asleep. The future remained unchanged, and Ebbie would go on to live an entirely miserable life, hating himself and all those around him simply for existing.
In the end, nothing could save Christmas, or the world, for that matter. We draw ever closer to a capitalist wasteland and there’s no going back. Not even Mr. Claus himself could save us from it. So maybe go ruin someone’s Christmas just for fun; it’s not like Santa’s real anyway, so who’d put you on the naughty list?
