Breaking news from the research world: YA romance novels give realistic love advice to teenagers with low standards. We conducted a lengthy study involving hours pouring through AO3 and Wattpad’s critically acclaimed novels, such as “My Sexy Mysterious Billionaire Boyfriend is Secretly a Werewolf.” This research demonstrates how common tropes in YA romance reveal accurate advice for real-life relationships. Our proud, mentally stable,13-year-old researchers are excited to showcase the results of this elaborate study.
For the most accurate prescription of love, think of every wonderful romance you’ve digested and single out which trope you love best. Based on our credible research, we will give you a diagnosis and advice for your love life. That being said, Y/N, choose your favorite trope below and uncover your next step in love.
Billionaire x Poor Girl
To begin this diagnosis, let’s start with a simple medical exercise. Reach into your pockets and count. Are they deep enough for someone to fill your shallow void? You face the extremely unique dilemma of being broke, but being in that state of poverty is a virtue for you. You’re taking care of family, have been swindled, or are in a lot of healthcare debt. Our numbers suggest that you have a 100% chance of romanticizing a rich man with a savior complex, yet as soon as someone with any car better than a Honda Civic runs into your life, you’re anti-materialistic to the core. Considering that about 3,000 people in the world are billionaires, you have about a 0.000000375% chance of ever meeting your love. Our advice is to cling on to those chances when finding yourself in massive debt, since the possibility of you ever being independently successful is lower.
We preface this analysis with the statement that every aspect of fake dating is unimaginative, including our diagnosis of you. You’re practical and economical in the way that you care more about your benefits than an actual person. There are better ways of getting a green card than faking affection for a decade. The idea of transactional love is appealing to you because you suffer from the inability to accept rejection. For further insight, reflect on your childhood. From what we’ve gathered, what you seek most is validation that your relationship is more than just what it seems. Our advice is to ALWAYS show intense public intimacy with your “fake lover,” with as much contact as you can get away with without breaking the law. The comfort of others means nothing if you don’t prove your relationship to others under the guise of fooling yourself. We also advise to never seek therapy for your pathological lying, because then you’ll never be able to manipulate others again.
You’re indecisive, but your narcissistic main character complex is very high on our metric scale. Playing around with feelings and giving off mixed signals is your methodology of evaluating your options. Our statistics indicate that you are 50% sexually repressed and 50% unable to ever make a conclusive decision in your life. Our advice to you is, when making a final decision on whose heart you’re going to break, we suggest it to be the kind, emotionally intelligent side love interest. Because, of course, someone with stability and a 401k is unattractive for your epic romance. You can’t discard them immediately though, remember to drop the line of still “staying friends”! And since we know you love attention, we recommend taking our “No Personality Pills” to really up that attraction scale.
Enemies to Lovers
Congratulations on being our study’s most basic candidate! Our data reveals that sexual tension is your sole basis for a relationship. Based on our research, your partner might be struggling with some anger or conflict management issues, since of course you are never the problem. To counter this, we recommend our number one tool for heated arguments: unprecedented, unexpected, abrupt sex. Our research shows that you may be blind to the difference between love and hate. While having perfectly warranted reasons for disliking someone, such as their multiple war crimes, you might wonder if that hate really does stem from a love deep down.
Toxic Bad Boy x Good Girl
Can’t find your favorite trope above?
Our research is comprehensive, but based on our general data of YA romance, we’ve prepared a general diagnosis that fits all tropes:
You are a straight female in your teens or early twenties with a moldable personality that’s easy to project into. Occasionally, you have your gutsy and opinionated moment, but beyond that, your lack of unique traits is attractive to all who meet you. You’ll sometimes quote “The Great Gatsby” or other classic novels to show your one-of-a-kind insightful outlook on a barren world no one else seems to understand.
We’ve met a 276% marginal error on finding enough LGBTQ romance novels to research for our data, but our esteemed researchers and authors have found a loophole of looking inclusive and open-minded by creating side characters in your life who identify as anything other than straight. We won’t be providing any advice for them, since such characters only exist to support your main character complex without any character development of their own.
Our thorough and elaborate research study of romance tropes is met with 100% satisfaction from our survey. We have thousands of testimonials ranking our data as the most accurate to ever be collected, such as the one below:
“John Doe (age 24): My girlfriend and I have been in a rough spot recently, but after taking romance trope research into consideration, we’ve taken up the argument-settling advice for Enemies to Lovers and our relationship couldn’t be better! Since then, my girlfriend’s gotten 21 UTI’s and we’ve bonded over absolutely nothing to keep our fragile relationship intact. It’s exhilarating!”
This is so accurate it’s crazy 😅!!!
I’ve been thinking of reading Moby Dick to make myself a more well rounded and unique person, and I guess now I have too!