Aries: You’re naturally drawn towards leadership positions. Good for you! But know your place. If you’re a minimum wage fast-food worker, don’t try bossing anyone around just yet.
Taurus: There are over 40 water bottle refill stations on campus. USE THEM.
Gemini: Mars is in Gemini, and you know what that means — it’s time to start some fights. Your parents will get over not having an engineer for a child. This is your life, not your family’s!
Cancer: Feeling lonely? Remember, it’s the beginning of the school year, so everyone is just as desperate to make friends as you are. Go out and meet people! Join a club! But be wary of codependence, especially with freshmen.
Leo: This is NOT a month for dating. You’ve made a lot of progress on your mental health, but you’re in a state of flux right now. You’ve got to figure yourself out before you can start anything new.
Virgo: It’s your time of year! Why do you keep talking yourself out of that purchase? You deserve nice things! Money isn’t real, anyway.
Libra: Mercury is (unironically!) going to be in retrograde for most of this month. You’ll be surrounded by social conflicts that you can’t control. Just remember, your greatest strength is your ability to mind your own business.
Scorpio: You’re not confined to the choices of your past self. Are you really going to trust a 17-year-old with something this important? If you’re already not liking your classes, reconsider your major.
Sagittarius: Let’s be real; you’re not gonna be able to handle all this. Cut back somewhere or you’ll end up crashing and burning halfway through the semester.
Capricorn: Learn to accept the things you cannot change. There will always be days when parking takes half an hour. This is the price you pay for not buying a better parking pass. Plan accordingly.
Aquarius: Don’t be so quick to assume things about people you don’t know. With the exception of a certain Computer Science professor who shall remain unnamed, your professors are human beings with empathy!
Pisces: Do you actually want to go to grad school, or are you just afraid of entering “the real world”?